apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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