I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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