9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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