how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
