I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
