Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
