Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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