Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
