the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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