We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
