Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize