I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
