So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
