guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
