He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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