Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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