are you still at the devil's house?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Randomize
