look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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