You just made me feel so damn special
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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