Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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