It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
