I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
