Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
