My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize