cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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