lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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