He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
