i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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