I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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