Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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