dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
