so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
