shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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