girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
