im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
