They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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