Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
