clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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