Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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