How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
