saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
