I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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