How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
