just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
