Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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