Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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