Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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