Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
