How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
