Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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