I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
