i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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