I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
