Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
