i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
