its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
