I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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