My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
