I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
