Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
