oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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