I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He better not be in your backpack
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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